


the mechanics of a smile

by noblealice



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: Break Up, Gen, Moving On, POV Female Character, Post-Movie(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-04
Updated: 2012-10-04
Packaged: 2017-11-15 15:25:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/528735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noblealice/pseuds/noblealice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bitter-sweet future after the events of Serenity, that sees Simon and Kaylee drift apart. Brief mention of kidnapping & off-screen gunshots/deaths.</p>
<p>
  <i>When Serenity was singin' to her like a whine, she listened for the squeaky wheel that was hurtin' for oil. In the Cold and Dark, new parts didn't exactly grow from the grates but the ship still had to keep runnin'. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	the mechanics of a smile

Just 'cause they aren't together anymore don't mean she can't 'member how it was.

_Hot fingers over slick skin, moving with surgical precision that unspooled her nerves like a busted coil._

Maybe a part of her knew their time was limited from the beginning; you can't stitch up time and when he wasn't tending to his sister, he was playing a child's game of dress up:

_Look, Father. I'm a real doctor._

A part of him would always exist in a place she could never travel to.

\---

After Miranda, he began to split into someone new everyday until there weren't any letters left for her to label all the shades of Simon that she found. She collected them and arranged them neatly, waiting patiently for the day when he'd want to rebuild himself.

When Serenity was singin' to her like a whine, she listened for the squeaky wheel that was hurtin' for oil. In the Cold and Dark, new parts didn't exactly grow from the grates but the ship still had to keep runnin'. 

So she took what she could from the sparse offerings on board and found ways to stick up holes with spirit gum and run the containment field's meter with parts of old spoons. She did what she did best, patching up holes in things that were on their last legs. She never did know when to quit.

She liked that his brain was wired to piece together broken bits and make them function again; he had the training to recognise when a part couldn't do its job any more. But in the end that doomed them because his instinct was to amputate when something is infected.

\---

One day, River returned from the dust with Zoe's scarf drippin' from her neck and her face more pale than usual. Kaylee learned that there was a cut dangerously close to some important artery that had a fancy name. But when she visited to cheer up the patient, both Tams averted their eyes from her smile. 

After that, he lost any pre-tense of having a bedside manner. His new cut-and-dry diagnoses grated on her skin and when they docked, there were matching scratches on the hull. 

She told herself that he's just doin' what he can to keep everyone running in the Cold and Dark. (It was easier to put it in terms she understood.)

She finds it odd that after seein' the damage done, it don't seem to deter him none from damaging folk himself. At least, not when it comes to protecting the crew. She was once taken and tied up for three days while bearded men taunted her. All she 'members is how they liked when her tears stained the blindfold darker and how her skin would warn her when one was gettin' closer, hairs standing to attention like soldiers. Only it weren't soldiers that silenced those men's ugly laughter forever with three swift shots before kneeling by her side.

After that day, he started creating more bullet holes than he was mendin'.

\---

Some days she took River out to the market to giggle over boys without vests and hard-to-eat snacks. They returned with their arms awkwardly looped because River'd just recited what the infant mortality rate was outside the Core and Kaylee still didn't know how to handle stuff like that yet. Obviously worried, he hurried down to inspect if River had any new wounds. (He never asked after Kaylee.)

Eventually, he simply lost patience for her naivety and the fresh paint she used to cover up the blood on the walls. Chided her for refusing to see that it was a hard life out here where things didn't always end with strawberries. (He's running out of anaesthetic.)

The worst was when he teased her for the thousandth time about something from the Core, talking to her like she's deaf and she must be, because she's leavin' the room.

She never blamed him, she oughta known those things, read more as a kid, gone to museums. Maybe then...

\---

It's for the best that her bed holds only the one body again because her Pa never would've understood. He woulda been standing bow-legged and slouched on the sun-faded porch as he silently judged Simon's too-fancy suit. Her brothers woulda beat on him until his hair didn't shine no more or until their mother opened those pursed lips that made everyone within a ten mile radius quake with fear. Then Ma woulda most likely had called him closer for an inspection and waved Simon in to the kitchen with a heavy sigh.

\---

No one on the ship talks about it now, even Jayne, which means that it must have been a pretty noticeable change. It's another subject to add to the list of things to avoid. She thinks it might be easier if they all became mimes - more's said in a look anyway.

Next time the crew goes to market she can't help but notice how his eyes stay a second too long on the glistening Alliance-approved display. His gaze lingering even longer on the sleek girl giving the demonstration. She pointed out facts with spotless fingernails and had hair so straight it was like it ain't never been tossed by atmo turbulence.

\---

When they broke things off she gave up searching for all the bits that he had been shedding 'cross the 'verse. Near the end, she only had enough strength to clutch at her knees, curlin' her body in a ball on her bed, wondering how to she was goin' to replace the burnt out cuff that had begun to crack.

The thing that saved her: when somethin's broke, her instinct is to keep trying 'til she can't.

\---

One day she'll meet a broad-shouldered boy with a face that's seen too much sun and he'll show off a gap-toothed smile when he shakes her hand a bit too rough from excitement.

Cap'n said somethin' bout needing a new pair o'legs to haul cargo around anyways.


End file.
